The first ten minutes of a date often determine whether a second date is ever going to happen, and let’s face it—second dates are not the norm for many. That was definitely my story until I learned about (what I now call) “Date Waste.”
Date waste is when a date is a drag, but has little to do with whether you are a potential match. It’s a drag simply because neither of you set the date up to succeed. These aren’t the dates with jerks that you can’t wait to end. They are the ones that are just a little boring, lack sparks, or just go nowhere. You can turn these into very positive experiences.
I see date waste all the time when I’m coaching, and I lived it for years. When I accepted that every date was part of the journey and not just a means to an end, my life changed. Every date is an opportunity. You can talk to a nice person, learn something new, get much-needed practice and maybe connect with someone you want to know just a little better. It doesn’t have to be, “Oh, he’s The One!” or nothing.
Here are nine things you can do in the first ten minutes of each date to make it a positive experience and begin to eliminate date waste from your life.
1. Go in with the “I hope I like him” attitude.
2. Find three things you like about him.
3. Compliment him.
4. Think of it as practice.
5. Dump your agenda.
6. Ask the right questions.
7. Quiet those dang gremlins.
8. Let go of control.
9. Be kind and practice empathy.
Then look at him again with the kind and wise eyes of a woman working hard to find a good man. Regardless of how you end up judging him, always leave him feeling good about himself—even if you’re not going to see him again. It’s the nice thing to do, and you’ll help prop him up for the next woman who’s going to meet him.
You are looking for a lifetime partner with whom you can share deep connection, unconditional trust, mutual adoration, and a lifetime of happiness. Everything you do should be toward that end. Every date is a spectacular opportunity. Don’t be a date waster.