Global 2012: Husband Can't Get Over Pain Of Discovering Wife's Past

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DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married for five years. I recently discovered that she made between 10 and 20 porn videos when she was 19. We got married when she was 27. We have four kids from two previous marriages.

I am devastated. When I confronted her about it, she cried harder than I had ever seen. She said she was lost, and it's the biggest regret of her entire life.

I understand how hard it can be to tell someone you have done something like this. I haven't led a perfect life either, and I have my own skeletons and things that I would never mention. But still, I can't get over this. I have never felt pain like this in my entire life and don't know what to do. I love my wife and don't want a divorce, but it haunts my every thought. We have had a great life and I trust her completely. What should I do to get over this? -- DEVASTATED IN THE U.S.A.

DEAR DEVASTATED: A giant step in the right direction would be to accept that you both had a history before you married each other, and you both have done things you aren't proud of. Then make a list of all the good things you have together, and forgive your wife for making some painful mistakes in the past that she was too ashamed to tell you. It certainly beats divorcing a woman you love over something she can't change. If that doesn't work, then you'd be wise to seek marriage counseling.

http://news.yahoo.com/husband-cant-over-pain-discovering-wifes-past-050208977.html;_ylt=Ai.gvoTVupmltQwdsAMvQc_7F78C;_ylu=X3oDMTVxYXVlY2hyBGNjb2RlA2dtcHRvcDEwMDBwb29sd2lraXVwcmVzdARtaXQDQXJ0aWNsZSBNaXhlZCBMaXN0IE5ld3MgZm9yIFlvdSB3aXRoIE1vcmUgTGluawRwa2cDOTkzNGRmMTQtMmIyOC0zMzZmLThkNTctNThiMzMwMWVhMDdkBHBvcwMxBHNlYwNuZXdzX2Zvcl95b3UEdmVyA2MyYzJhMjcxLTM5MTgtMTFlMi1iZGU3LTQ2ZGNiODhmMmE2Nw--;_ylg=X3oDMTM2MjYwZWJhBGludGwDdXMEbGFuZwNlbi11cwRwc3RhaWQDMTFiYjk1Y2EtOWZiYS0zN2Q1LWFkNzctM2NjMzMzNzNmMzkwBHBzdGNhdANlbnRlcnRhaW5tZW50fGFydHMEcHQDc3MtZ2FsbGVyeQ--;_ylv=3

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Global 2011: Kim Kardashian’s Quickie Marriage: What Went Wrong?

Image via WikipediaReality star Kim Kardashian is divorcing Kris Humphries, her husband of 72 days, following persistent rumors that their marriage was on the rocks from day one.

What exactly went wrong between the two newlyweds? One possible explanation: the two hardly knew each other. They only met last December, so it might be worth remembering Kim is filing for divorce from a man she hasn't even known a year.

Despite how publicly they both live, there was apparently a lot the two didn't know about each other. A recent episode of "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" revealed that Kris had no idea Kim was previously married (she eloped at age 19 and divorced in 2004). When Kim casually dropped the tidbit while the couple snacked with the family, a stunned Humphries repeatedly asked the family, "You guys are serious… she was really married?" Musing on the revelation later, Humphries asked the camera, "What else do I not know about her?" (We're guessing he did know about her not-G-rated video debut).

Clearly communication wasn't their strong suit. In addition to his being unaware of her romantic past, their day-to-day interactions were no doubt quite limited: Their careers often kept them on separate ends of the world (literally and figuratively). And nothing spells "communication breakdown" better than a husband learning from a gossip site that he's getting a divorce.

When she spoke to People recently, Kim admitted that their living situation had "not been ideal" for the newlyweds. To keep filming "Kourtney and Kim Take New York," Kim moved her husband into a hotel suite with her sister, her sister's child and the child's father (Scott Disick).

Not your typical honeymoon situation, that's for sure.

The gossip grapevine also says that Kris was fed up with the film crew following the couple around constantly, worrying that the camera presence was ruining their marriage —which apparently did not jibe well with Kim, who thought the camera issue had been settled prior to the marriage.

http://omg.yahoo.com/blogs/thefamous/kim-kardashian-quickie-marriage-went-wrong-203835908.html?nc

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Global 2011: Sex on the 1st date

Image via Wikipedia
Every few years it feels like someone tries to make the case that sleeping together on a first date is a great plan. It seems like it should be, right? You have physical chemistry, all the hot "newness" and everything that entails, so why not? We also all know the friend who DID sleep with her man on their first date, and now they're happily married with three kids and a blissful sex life that is both loving and hot.

Personally, sleeping together on a first date would make me wonder how many other girls he had done that with. While it does (and can) happen, those who practice it often don't end up with the person they boinked on the first date. Is that because of the sex? Hard to say. But the more times you sleep with someone the first time, the more people you have slept with overall in your life.

Besides, isn't sex just better when you know the person? Sure, we all get lustful and lord knows I made some mistakes back in college along those lines, but it's also important that we don't put ourselves into positions we didn't want to be in. This is equal opportunity! It's not just that he won't respect us, but also that we might not respect him.

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/sex-on-the-1st-date-still-isnt-respectable-in-2011-2499395/;_ylt=AjnOjhK7vq7CYSXbJB9KiRIIb6U5

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Global 2011: 3 Things You Don't Know About a Man Until You Marry Him

Image by Getty Images via @daylife
I learned this a decade ago during my tenure as a bouncer at a New York City bar. There I saw all the deceptive ways men present themselves during the courting process. Looking back, I realize I was guilty of them too. Karel dated a very different Aaron than the one she settled into a long-term relationship with. Most women do. Let me explain.

1. Single men are dripping in cash.

2. Single guys clean up nice (and often).

3. Single guys live for foreplay.

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/3-things-you-dont-know-about-a-man-until-you-marry-him-2452867/

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Global 2011: Are Commitment and Exclusivity The Same?

Image via Wikipedia
We figured that exclusive simply meant that there was no hooking up with anyone else allowed: no making out, no dating.

Our theory on commitment was that it evolves slowly, long after exclusivity.

"If I'm committed, I'm picking your dad up from the airport."

Commitment is when lives are intertwined so much that your lives become one unified life.

To summarize, here are the signs to look for at each stage:


How to know you're "Exclusive"

1. You Agree About it Through Conversation

How You Know You're Committed

1. You've Been Dating a Significant Amount Of Time
2. You've Each Met Immediate Family and Best Friends
3. You're "Living Together" In Some Form
4. There Are Unspoken Expectations

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/are-commitment-and-exclusivity-the-same-2451270/;_ylt=AoLZdmp11rTgOHNkqhKtnsGCbqU5

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Global 2010: 8 myths about being single

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Myth #1: Singles are less happy than married people

First, most single people are not miserable — not even close. On the average, single people are always on the happy end of the scale; that’s true in every study I know of. Second, getting married hardly changes someone’s happiness at all. S

Myth #2: Single people favor solitude

Often, they have a whole network of friends and relatives, and they stay connected with them for decades. After all, they have the time to forge many diverse relationships, which married sorts often don’t. 

Myth #3: Elderly women live in isolation

Older women, in particular, are often painted as isolated spinsters, but in one study of 50 women who had always been single, 49 of them had close friends and usually they were in touch with those friends every single day. 

Myth #4: Single people don’t live as long as married folks

The people who lived the longest were those who stayed single and those who married and stayed married. People who divorced, or who divorced and remarried, had shorter lives. It was consistency, not marriage, that mattered, and the results were the same for men and women. 

Myth #5: Single people are self-centered

Singles are also more likely to encourage, help, and socialize with their neighbors and friends. 

Myth #6: The children of single parents are destined to live haplessly

In my research, though, I was struck by just how overstated those claims actually are. One example comes from the results of a National Drug Abuse Survey, a study of substance abuse among 12- to 17-year-olds. The children of single mothers had low rates of abuse — under 6 percent. And those rates were just 1.2 percent higher than the rates of the children living with married biological parents. 

Myth #7: Single people are not as healthy as people who get married

Typically, people who have always been single are very similar in their health to people who are currently married. There is, though, one exception where single people are actually healthier than attached types: married people are more overweight!

Myth #8: Single people waste money on frivolous things for themselves

In fact, one study showed that men were much more financially generous to their friends when they were single than they were after they married. When married men divorced, they reverted to their more giving selves. If they remarried, then they went back to being less generous to their friends. 

http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=9850&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=692726

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